The Wildest Flower
by tinypixy
Summary: While lying in bed, Emma gets curious about Killian's past and asks him about his scars and tattoos (this affiliates with my former fic 'A Fenced Heart' but you can perfectly read this without the need to catch up on AFH)
1. Chapter 1

Emma, almost half of her body lying on Killian, was resting her head on her left arm, his right one embracing her back while stroking her ivory skin with his thumb. Her index finger drew tiny circles right under one of his collarbones, its tip almost flying over his hot skin. Her golden hair fell all over her back and messy strains covered some of her face, which he tenderly stroke behind her ear, carefully using the point of his hook. His azure eyes then returned to the ceiling, wearing a warm yet faint smile on his lips, a deep sigh leaving his nose. Killian's mouth opened gently, his eyes half shut.

_"__Stars have fallen on thy eyes,  
Constellating brand new skies,  
Building planets, growing life,  
This galaxy was made to thrieve. _

_And in thy worlds I shall resume,  
Relieved from darkness, I rebloom,  
Found the strength to fight the night,  
Thy sky, m'love, will be my guide."_

His voice sounded like velvet, Emma thought, soothing her ears with his whispers. When he turned his head to find her gaze again, her peach pink lips had formed a little smile.

"I liked that. Who wrote it?" Her voice sounded husky for she hadn't talked in a while. Killian's eyes fled hers shyly to watch the movement of his fingers, entangled in her hair. The corner of his mouth raised, a sneaky half smirk appearing. Emma side-eyed him, raising a brow.

"Did you write it?" A little laugh escaped Killian's mouth before he answered.

"No, I most certainly didn't."

"Then why the smirk?" His eyes, now serious yet still soft, looked into her jade ones, them sparkling in confusion.

"Because it reminded me, once again, that our heritage is from two entire different worlds. Where I come from, every scion knows this poem. It was written by one of the most famous poets my realm has ever seen."

"Really? What's his name?" Emma felt curiosity sneaking up inside of her chest, yet she still couldn't help looking calm and unfazed, expecting to hear a familiar name.

"Johann W. Right."

"Hm, never heard of him before." Emma blinked, noticing her slight disappointment. She was expecting something like the Grimm Brothers or Hans Christian Andersen or some other fairy tale related writer. Now that she was finally starting to embrace the thought of the possibility that all of it was real, the whole fairy tale world in its entirety, it felt odd to hear a new name, a name she didn't grow up with. Killian noticed Emma's confusion.

"It's alright, love. Now you know how I feel, the majority of the time," he winked and she raised a brow, smiling.

"Yeah, with the difference that _you're_ really catching up with my world's books and stories, aren't you? I've seen you walk inside of the library. What's up with that?"

"I just had a chat with Mrs. Gold, that's all," he half grinned again.

"Oh, really?" Emma mirrored his mocking tone. "Did you have tea with Mr. Gold afterwards, too?" Killian chuckled before he answered.

"No, I'm afraid I have to disappoint you there, love. I went to the library to lend some books. Belle recommended me some good ones, I've actually finished most of them. You have some tempting reads in this world," he said, smiling.

"Which ones did you borrow from her?" Emma wanted to know. Killian gave it a quick thought before answering.

"Well, the obvious ones, Treasure Island and Moby Dick, which were both inaccurate, by the way, Long John never had a parrot, what nonsense, and Captain Ahab wasn't after a white whale, he was after a white pearl, apparently as large _as_ a whale." Emma chuckled, but Killian didn't notice.

"And then there were some volumes of poetry, short stories and a few plays."

"And which one was your favorite, so far?" Emma asked, her eyes locked onto his burgundy lips, which opened without even hesitating.

"'The Masque of the Red Death'."

'Poe,' Emma realized, she had read that short story back in school. She remembered it was about a cowardly prince, a dagger and, as the title revealed, the red death. Red… somehow it made her think of their time back in the Enchanted Forest. Her red dress… Hook's vest, the flames that almost killed her mother… Emma cringed with the thought. Killian noticed her little shiver and pulled her closer to his chest, placing a kiss on her hair.

'Wait a minute,' Emma thought, her eyes widening a little. 'A coward, a dagger and… the _red_ death. _This_ was why he liked this tale? It's the story of his revenge… a successful revenge,' she figured out, a silent gasp leaving her mouth. Emma knew, no she was convinced Killian was done with his urge to avenge _her_; she knew he didn't want to kill his former foe Rumpelstiltskin anymore. She had seen his former self and she had realized how much this man had changed. He had fought too hard to get here, to find his place in Storybrooke… to win her heart, fair and square… and he wouldn't trade it back again. But he _still_ couldn't forget… he couldn't forgive. Emma looked down his arm and found his tattoo. A slight streak of jealousy ran across her spine, reaching every cell in her body. '300 years,' she thought… 'How couldn't he forget her?' she wondered. 'What made her so special?' She had tried to draw that secret from him before and only weeks had passed since the day they had sat together at that fireplace. Even though Killian had talked about his past back then, it wasn't nearly as much as she wanted to know. She had to try again. She had to know. He had loved this woman for centuries and there must have been a reason for that. 'That's not jealousy,' she told herself, 'it's just… research'. But how to do it, she silently asked inside of her mind before she discovered the delicate white lines all across of his arms and chest. Some had a fleshy tone, some were just small and fair, but they were all scars. Sword scars. Emma's finger gently traced the lines.

"Where did you get these?" she almost whispered. Emma's voice awoke Killian from his thoughts, his eyes trying to find out what she meant. He smiled.

"I'm a pirate, remember?" Emma returned the smile.

"I know, but aren't there some great stories you wanna brag about?" she winked and Killian liked it. His head returned to the ceiling again.

"There are too many to tell, love. I'm afraid you have to choose a specific scar."

Emma scanned his body and her eyes caught a tiny little blue flower on the side of his chest, its stalk entwined around an exalted pink scar. 'Another tattoo,' Emma's brows raised, her finger pointing at it.

"This one," she said, searching for his eyes. Killian smiled a warm smile, as if he was expecting it already. He sighed deeply, remaining frozen for a long moment, before he finally opened his mouth.

"Excellent choice, Swan. It's the best tale I've got to tell. That scar," he took a deep breath again, "is a reminder of the best, most agile and skilled sword fighter I've ever met, in my entire life. I've got scarred with this mark," he gently stroke across the pink line, "while I was teaching my one student I ever thought was worth the time I spent on them. I've got scarred with this mark," his vulnerable eyes found Emma's now before his low voice broke, "by Milah."


	2. Chapter 2

'Milah', Emma thought, a heavy cloud hazing the inner of her stomach. She had found the right scar and now he was going to reveal his deepest secret, the myths her own curiosity - or was it rather her pride – wanted to get uncovered for as long as she had known him. But just when he was about to tell her about this mystery that this woman had become, Emma wasn't very sure anymore if she really wanted to know any of this. Before she could say a word, though, run away as she was used to, he continued speaking with a low yet steady voice.

"Milah was unlike any other woman I had ever met before in my life. Even after she was gone," he paused, "I didn't encounter a second person with a higher demand on courage and honor as she used to have." Emma noticed the nostalgic sparkles in Killian's proud eyes as a silent twitch ran across her chest before he looked down to her, smiling softly.

"Not until I met you." Emma returned the smile, blinking shyly. She felt a hint of shame for doubting him for even a second, for being envious of a ghost. 'Just stop it,' she warned her own mind, forbidding herself any more of this confusing feeling. When she found his eyes again, she noticed that there was a melancholic shade in them, staring into the distance.

"When we practiced our skills at the art of the swordsmanship, every time before our blades clashed, she used to look me in the eye," Killian faced Emma sincerely, "and say 'Be brave, captain, but fight honorably'." He smiled, a quick breath leaving his nose.

"She was a rapid learner, soon beating her teacher with ease, marking me with her scar for eternity." His finger touched the pink line lightly.

"Not once I've seen fear behind her eyes when we trained, only fierce passion and excitement. She scorned cowardly behavior with every part of her body, despising the shame that came along with it." Killian took a long moment before he went on, his voice breaking on the last word.

"She would've been proud of Baelfire." Emma smiled compassionately.

"Yeah," she agreed, "he… died bravely." Killian nodded slightly, biting his lip.

"Aye." He swallowed.

"Milah was born with the sea in her blood. She needed adventure and engagement; just like a fish, she couldn't stop moving, or she would've drowned. Yet, not a day went by that she didn't miss her son; didn't regret. In an ideal world, she would've had both. The life of a piratess _and_ her son… a family. I tried to give her what she needed, but I could never fill that hole in her heart that had the shape of her boy." Killian stopped talking for what felt like a long while but Emma didn't interrupt the silence. She knew he would continue, eventually. And so he did.

"One day she told me she bore another life beneath her heart." Emma's eyes widened, a surprised "What?!" escaping her mouth, before she looked at him, apologetically wanting him to resume his story. Killian only half-smiled at her, his soft eyes mirroring the bittersweet shade of his tone.

"It was the most beatific day of my life, but it didn't last for too long. An opposing pirate ship attacked us, wanting to capture the Jolly Roger. When they detected Milah aboard the ship, they assaulted her like thirsty animals in the dessert. She was a brilliant fighter, excellent with the sword, but they were just too many… when I finally reached her, killing every single one of those rats with my own hands, she was lying on the ground, almost unconscious, her body covered in her own blood… We could save her, but-"

"She lost the kid," Emma whispered. Nothing but his heavy breath left his lips, yet Killian's silence was a louder affirmation than words could've ever expressed.

"Carrying another child became impossible for her, after that day."

"That's why you felt responsible for Neal, isn't it?" Emma wanted to know.

"Aye. I suppose he was the closest thing to a son I thought I could ever get. He was Milah's legacy… and my responsibility. When I looked at him, I saw her temper, her courage. He was just like her – the wildest flower." He sighed again.

"Is that why you chose that tattoo?" Emma asked. Killian nodded almost unseeable.

"Why is the flower blue, though?" He hesitated before he answered.

"It's the exact shade her eyes used to have." Emma's mouth formed a silent 'o', the puzzle finally piecing together. Killian took a deep breath, his brows furrowed and grievous.

"Milah could never have the life she always dreamt of. With Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire she longed for the sea, with me she lacked a family. But our love bound us together… she pledged loyalty to me, for all eternity, promising me that true love would be enough for her. She knew she'd never see her son again and so she settled for a life with me, acquiring satisfaction with the adventures that awaited us. We explored the world and the endless seas, lived our lives to the fullest, loved genuinely." Killian interrupted his narration with a hint of a smile.

"Milah had these two sides to her; one moment she was this spirited and fierce woman who could drink you under the table and beat you at any game you could think of and in the next she was the most caring, most sensitive soul you'd ever meet. My crew saw more in her than just my significant other. They respected her, followed her demands. She became my equal. We were two halves of a whole, two sides of a coin. Like a burning flame, she was the blaze and I was the smoke. We lived in our own blissful world, never thinking of an end, hoping forever was at our fingertips… until the day…" he swallowed, his wide pupils blackening his eyes, "until he crushed her heart right in front of me." He spoke the words through his clenched teeth, his jaw tight. Emma's trembling hand that was touching his arm, was able to feel his pulse pounding heavily in his veins.

"So you swore to avenge her…" Emma said with a low voice. "For 300 years… you chased him…" Killian slightly shook his head, as if couldn't believe it himself.

"I didn't know what else to do. Milah was my light and without her the darkness consumed me. It was either killing the Dark One, or… following her into nonentity. Milah was my reason to live and when she was gone, revenge was my only drive to keep on breathing."

Emma felt tiny diamonds burning their way into the inner corners of her jade eyes. She tried to fight them, but they forced their way up, hurting her with great pain. Like broken glass, they fogged her sight, made her unable to see clearly. Her breath became uneven, her lungs aching for air. And when she started shaking, she freed herself from Killian's embrace, fleeing to the bathroom. She heard him call her name, but she didn't look back; she didn't want him to see the redness in her eyes… she didn't want him to witness the tears. She locked the door and she turned on the water, letting it run for a while until she made herself get into the shower. The hot water burned her skin, but she didn't care. She heard the knocking, but she didn't care. The water drops fell down her skin, washing away her fears, soothing her thoughts. He was never going to love her the way he loved _her_; it was a fact, Emma felt it in her guts, and the pressure of not being enough made her crumble for a second, slowly fading into self doubt and frustration. But soon her breathing evened out again, the hot air cleaning her lungs, unveiling her clouded thoughts. This was her destiny. He wasn't any different to the others. Sooner or later he'd leave her, too. She was the savior and she was alone in this. She accepted her fate before, she'd do it again. Tomorrow she would leave.


	3. Chapter 3

The rain was slowly falling down her head as she was sitting by the lake, her fogged eyes staring into the distance. Her brows were furrowed, her arms limply by her side. It was the same spot, the same bench were she had told him she cared... but she wished she never had. After she had left the bathroom to quickly dress herself, ignoring his worried questions and troubled looks, she had left him in her hotel room, not even knowing where to go. Her feet had brought her here, though, to the park and she had surrendered to their unconscious decision. Sitting down, Emma had wished for another time travel, another chance to change things back to normal again. To a time where she wasn't vulnerable...

Heavy drops dripped down the ground, drumming a calming beat, gawky ducks accompanying the song of the rain while carelessly paddling on the water. Emma sighed, listening to the dulcet tones of the symphony that filled out the silence, just perfectly. She had lost any track of time when her ears noticed the sound of light-footed shoes touching the gritty ground. She knew it in the instant; by the pace of his walk, she knew it had to be him. And without even looking up, only a few stiff words left her mouth with a pitch just loud enough to make him perceive them.

"I don't wanna talk to you right now."

The sound of his walk stopped when he reached the bank, taking a moment before he answered.

"Fine, then don't talk. I can appreciate some quiescence," he said, sitting down next to her, "as long as I can sit by your side." Killian looked straight to the lake, a faint smile on his lips. Emma couldn't help but look at him from under her thick eyelashes, mirroring his smile. There he was, the man that hadn't left her side, once, at least not on his own account. Ever since he had come back for her to lead them to Neverland, he had always found her, supported her through it all. But why couldn't she shake this odd feeling, this misgiving that made her feel just miserable. It was as if his affection was a house of cards and she was the wind. She didn't yet know what to call what they had, but sooner or later it would collapse. She couldn't even handle his tattoos, she thought, how in this world was she supposed to make this all work? Her smile slowly faded away and the heavy cloud in the inner of her chest returned, again. She felt an invisible weight dragging her down, like delicate strings pulling at her fingers, at her calves, at her neck; she had to fight gravity hauling her, but she didn't know for how long she could strive against it, or if she could strive at all. While Emma was still battling with herself, Killian finally broke the silence.

"I apologize, if what I said hurt your feelings. That wasn't my intent." He looked over to her, sincerity in his azure eyes. Emma fled his gaze.

"No need to apologize. I asked and you spoke. It's not your fault you had this kick-ass romance going on." Killian's lips formed a crooked smile, his eyes soft and caring.

"The shade of your tone implies jealousy, Swan." Emma's eyes widened, his words leaving her mouth open for a second.

"I'm - I'm not jealous, okay?" She blinked with fluttery eyes. Killian took a deep sigh, trying to read her face.

"Then what is it, Swan?" Emma looked down at her entangled fingers. "What changed?"

She wasn't even sure herself. She couldn't name him the reasons she ran away. All she knew was that this was the only constant in her life, the only thing she knew would never change. It was just what she did.

"I don't know... I guess I just panicked, or something..."

"Why would you do that?" he asked, his eyes locked on hers.

Emma took a deep breath, the fresh air filling her lungs. The strings pulled at her, again, and deep down she knew, she was lying to herself. She knew exactly why she ran away. It was just too hard to admit it to herself... and him...

"What could possibly alarm you like this?" Emma only shook her head, not wanting to reveal her thoughts. But she felt his gaze on her, every cell of her body feeling the pressure of his silent demand for clarification. And the more he looked, the more the strings dragged her downwards. Emma felt the panic rush back through her veins and she knew she couldn't fight it any longer, neither could she flight. Not this time. Not again. Her breath sped up preserving herself from fainting, as he opened his mouth with the most encouraging intent, yet she didn't let him talk. She couldn't stop herself from finally spilling it out.

"It's your love story, okay?!" she almost yelled, but when she noticed Killian's slightly startled reaction, she reduced her volume, still maintaining her harsh tone.

"It's epic! I mean, _300 years_! And obviously you still can't get over it with your tattoos and scars and stories you like. I mean, really? 'The Red Death'? Why not something else? Why not, I don't know, 'The Great Gatsby' or something? That guy liked the bling as much as you do!"

Emma was still gasping for air, the green in her eyes blazing with temper, when Killian involuntary had to smile.

"What's so funny?" Emma screamed now, feeling mocked.

"Just tell me, love, I fail to comprehend one thing." Killian pursed his lips, raising a brow.

"So, _every_ time you look into your boy's eyes, you see Baelfire there, but you're jealous of some ink and a scar?" Emma's lashes flickered when the truth in his simple words hit her conscience like lightning hit the tree. He was right, she admitted to herself, Henry was to him what his tattoo was to her; an eternal reminder of their past. But she still couldn't shake her doubts; she couldn't help but keep her protest going.

"I'm not jealous," she sighed, facing the lake, though the weakness in her tone didn't even convince herself, anymore, she thought. So, when she looked back to find his gaze, something in the depths of his blue sprinkled eyes told her, that he was right. She may not like it, but that didn't change the fact that he had read her like an open book; as usual.

"_O_-kay," she stuttered, finally giving in, finally opening up, "maybe I _am_... a little... jealous... or whatever... but it's more than that, I mean, it's just..." She looked him in the eyes and for the first time, since she ran away, he could see right through them, all of her walls being down.

"How am I... how am I ever gonna compete with that? With her?" Killian bowed his head now, his hook touching her golden hair.

"Why would you _ever_ have to compete with her?" he whispered.

"_Because I do_!" Emma couldn't stop the tears anymore, the hot pearls burning her skin.

"You _loved_ her, unconditionally and loyally, for _centuries_. I mean, you act like you forgave Gold, but you haven't, you probably never will, and how could you? She was your life! And he took it from you and there's just _no way_ I can come up to this ghost that is your perfect super-ex. You're never gonna..." Emma's voice broke, her hazy eyes fleeing his.

"Never going to what, Swan?"

"Nothing..." Killian looked at her, wearing genuine concern on his face. He sighed, before he moved his good hand to her chin, two fingers gently forcing her to meet his sincere eyes.

"Emma, look at me," he said with a velvet voice, furrowing his brows. "I deserted my crew, I gave up my _home_ for you, I _risked my life_ to find you, isn't that proof enough for how much you mean to me?"

"I never told you to do any of that," she slightly shook her head, the tears still sparkling in her eyes.

"Aye, you didn't. But that doesn't change the fact that if I had to, I'd do it all over again. I have not a single regret." Emma's eyes fluttered at his confession, making her heart skip a tiny beat.

"Emma, you have to understand one thing," he paused a moment to make sure she was still looking at him.

"The way I loved Milah, and she loved me, wasn't only consuming, it was _destructive_. Even back then, when she was still alive..." he swallowed, "she had _wounded_ me with her love and her love only had the powers to heal me again. But once she was gone, I was left bleeding - scarred for eternity. The wound didn't only bleed me dry, though, it got infected. The infection poisoned me from the inside, doomed me with darkness." His earnest face lit up now.

"But when I look at you, I don't see destruction. All I see is _light_; hope," he smiled, "You won't ever have to compete with anyone, love. Not as long as I am alive."

"What makes you so sure of that?" she searched his eyes for answers, finding nothing but confidence in them.

"_You_ gave me reason to fight away the darkness, to find my old form. _You_ helped me to close my wounds, to wash out the poison. _You_ gave me strength and lead my way. _You_ are my _light_, Emma," he almost whispered now, staring at her peach pink lips, "Like the North Star guides the sailor, you guide me home; every day." Killian's face moved closer to her, making her feel his warm and still unfamiliar yet sweet breath meeting her skin, his wet hair brushing her forehead.

"You bring out the best in me, Swan, making me want to be the man I once used to be, a man of honor." And just before his soft lips touched hers, his breath carried four single words into her mouth, that changed everything, that made her believe that maybe this _was_ right, that maybe she wasn't the wind but the _glue_ that held the house of cards together. It made her want to hold on to what once seemed to be a hopeless dream – her very own happy ending. It made her want to believe it was possible for her... with him...

Everything changed when he whispered...

"You saved me, Swan."


End file.
